No Real Benefit
by BE-Mistress
Summary: The line between friendship and passion isn't always so clear. RikkuGippal. Oneshot.


No Real Benefit  
_1FRICKENgirl_

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He hadn't wanted to do it. At least, he didn't want to do it with _her_. She was a special case. The _friends-only_ special type of case that he's never wanted to complicate. At least, he doesn't think he should. What he ends up doing doesn't usually follow his initial promises anyway.

But it wasn't exactly a real promise. She'd have to hear it for it to be a promise, wouldn't she? And he's never said it out loud. Never held her face in his hands and kiss her cheek and tell her he doesn't love her in _that_ way. The most he's done is ruffle her hair and shove her shoulder. The kind of actions that involve _pushing her away_. And yet she always winds up next to him one way or the other. Laying beside him or whatever. Blushing whenever he refers to them as a '_we_' or _'us'_, no matter what context he uses it in.

It's because of this reason that he did it. Because he knows that she likes him. Likes him like, _likes_ him. The type of '_like_' that he can tell whenever he catches her sitting by the Moonflow, picking petals off a flower and mumbling wistfully. The type of '_like_' that he can tell whenever she stops by "…_just for an oil check_…" or "…_just wanted to see what you have in stock_…" And he'd usually give her a quick answer that'll allow her to leave. That suggests he's _busy_ and that she should _leave._ That she should stop chasing after something that's never going to happen.

But Rikku always gets what she wants. She doesn't know otherwise. All that saving the world stuff has gone to her head, and she thinks that getting him in her arms shouldn't be as hard as defeating Vegnagun. And sometimes that makes him wonder if he's actually something she wants, or is it just the thought of a new challenge that provokes her?

Doesn't really seem to matter now. Now that he's _done it_ with her. And he wishes he could say he was drunk or terribly exhausted that night. Wishes he could say he'd just broken up a long-term relationship and was feeling vulnerable (unlikely, but he still wishes it). Wishes he could say she'd been the one to make the first move and he couldn't resist.

But she didn't. She merely stood there, waiting for her oil check, looking all pretty. And the fact of the matter is he kissed her first.

And now he's expected to be in love. And he doesn't think she'll take it very well if he insists it's only a friendship based love. It's a bit of a known fact that he isn't exactly a committed young man. He's a Faction leader. A _leader_. Not a partner.

He's not sure what to tell her when she wakes up. Knows that whatever he says will hurt her. And there'd be no friendship left to fall back on after that. But he knows that he doesn't want this to be something that carries on. Because it'll have to end eventually. And by that time, the aftermath will be even more catastrophic.

He wishes she didn't love him like she did. He's not a man to be loved by a girl like her. A girl who's grown up alongside the most infamous couple in all of Spira, and has become taught to believe in such everlasting romance. Has come to _expect_ such everlasting romance. And he doesn't want to be the one to blow all that magic up in her face with reality.

He hopes she'll understand. Hopes she won't get upset and discouraged. Hopes that time has allowed her mind to mature, and that if she wants a true, loving relationship, he's not the one she should go to. It's because he loves her that he can't ever _love_ her.

He doubts she'll see it that way. Especially when he breaks the news to her right after having done _it_. He bets she'll feel used rather than anything else. He wouldn't mind if it had been another girl. But the fact that it had to be the girl that he's held a good _friends-only_ relationship with that makes him feel nervous.

He's surprised when she wakes up, pushes the sheets off of her and promptly climbs out of bed. Confused as he watches her calmly pull on her clothes and straighten her hair of tangles. Not speaking a word, and not seemingly angry or sad or upset like he had expected.

He's quiet when she finally turns to face him, smiling gently and skipping over in a cheerful manner as if she hadn't just been screaming his name a few hours earlier. She leans down and gives him a passionate kiss that reminds him why he had so easily discarded their _friends-only_ boundary that night.

And when she pulls away, running her fingers playfully in his hair, she tells him softly, "Hope you feel better now." She touches his nose, giggling. "Now, you owe me one anytime _I_ need to feel better."

He doesn't say anything as she gathers her stuff and heads toward the door, giving him a bit of a wave and he just forces out a smile back.

He's unsure if he likes this sudden arrangement. A _friends-with-benefits_ type of arrangement. But he thinks it can still remain something special. Something special with a special girl that's neither upset nor disapproves of what they've done or what they may do in the future. Something that doesn't require commitment or sacrifice or _love_. The kind of thing that he likes, that he wants.

So he doesn't understand why the idea bothers him. Why his chest tightens a little as he watches her leave the room – _leave him_, when he hadn't even tried to push her away.

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